i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
