is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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