Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
