two words: eviction party
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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