Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
