I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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