a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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