I bet he comes in French.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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