So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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