i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
