he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
