her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
