omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
