i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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