I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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