I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
