i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
