i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
