They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
