I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
