Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
