Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
