my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize