wat bout pragnant strippers??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
