Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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