how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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