i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
