Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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