I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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