I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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