I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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