So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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