He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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