Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
