I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
