We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
