i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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