I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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