Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had to cum in my sink.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
