What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
