I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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