So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
