Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
