The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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