i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
