eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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