I want to have your abortion
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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