I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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