I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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