The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
