I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
