Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
