Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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