For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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