those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
