she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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