i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Randomize
