i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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