Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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