You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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