Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
