it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
