Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
