Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
