we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
