worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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