He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
