Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
