he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
