yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
