dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
