So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
