Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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