Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
