She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
