we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He did a backflip because drugs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
