rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
