I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
